…to sink some ink deep in this creeps life. putting pen to paper, writing to spite the fight in me to defeat and relapse, mishap, and forget about how far i’ve come in the sun’s rays. fighting for another day of making my way. reaching, creeping, out into the manifold of told truths and severed bonds.
her, her, her, just repeating like a bell’s whisper in my dashed past of a ship set to mast. i know another day will never come with her in my sun, but i sit. guilty of crimes i cannot name and re-framing my purpose in this life through his wife. my dying sighing on of a lords song just sifting ashes and waves to come. undone the belt of my relapse and attacks on my soul from unwhole biddings overwhelm my spirit, and clear it to a new past of highs and death defying corkscrews of consciousness expanding heights. i sight my demise coming like the sunning of the moons rays at night. the light of the moon crying on for me to find my new love, my new coven, but all i can seem to muster is a whisper into a planned future escape.
i plan to kill myself with my addiction as soon as possible, to no ones chagrin, just a passing whisper of dust settling on the manifold of time. it would seem my time here has been spent and will be spent refracting back on the misdeeds and actions i have chose to make as an addict.
no one tells you as an addict how difficult your life will be in the long run. just undone mishaps and violent rhetoric and attacks on the ones you love the most, left with a contemplation after the high and drunk so sunk into the suicide you hide from the sun. my gun robbed and actions refracted back upon my soul of a toll far too costly for me to see with.
my vision blind and trudging on i cry for a new way only to find old memories and new addictions to friction my bent and broken chalice of self.
i can’t wait until i close my eyes for the last surprise of being and no longing seeing this reality and its shattered past clattering on in my mind.
i cry for an end to the bending of spirit and die everyday i don’t see her. i wish for my last will and testament to be nothing more than a gentle breeze. leaving behind nothing more than i took. the hook in my brain for substance has me at my end.
i will dearly depart to the stars far from here and hopefully smile back upon those i love, my family and friends.
